LJN made official D&D toys in the ’80s, fully catalogued here (bask in the warm glow of that Web 1.0 website). They were interesting, to say the least. There were separate lines including posable action figures and PVC bendable figures. Some people say the action figures were from the cartoon, but I don’t think they actually were. They did get a second life in the Wild Beyond the Witchlight adventure while the cartoon characters were featured throughout the artwork of the Dragons of Stormwreck Isle D&D Starter Set.

A bin surfaced today from under our basement stairs, full of old toys that I had as a kid. I don’t have pictures of the minis I painted last week, so you’re getting these instead. They’re weird and sometimes goofy, but I’m fond of them and I’m surprised by how many I had. Toys were cheap in the ‘80s.

Check out these bad guys! On the left, we have Zarak, Evil Half-Orc Assassin. Not very tall for a half-orc, but a pretty good figure. Definitely gives off a malevolent vibe. Then we have some porcine orcs and a great ogre, one of my favorites. The minotaur and bugbear (yeah, that’s a bugbear on the right) weren’t sculpted with quite as much care. The goblins, however, are great, one and all. They didn’t come as a set, but rather, each goblin came paired with a bigger figure. I love a good goblin, and they wear their crossed eyes better than other figures. The minotaur came with a crown on a pillow that I seem to have misplaced at some point.

Next up, this green gang (not to be confused with Gang Green). The carrion crawler has wires inside its soft body so that it can be posed. The shambling mound is one hundred percent Man-Thing. And then we have a troll, a trog, and some bullywugs. Oh, and a random skelly who I forgot to put in the previous grouping. The troll is pretty menacing and doesn’t look quite like the famous troll on the first cover of the AD&D Monster Manual, and the troglodyte is a beefy fellow too.

Weird monsters! The hydra and chimera are posable wire and rubber again while the fire elemental is a solid chunk of PVC. I should use it in my game next Sunday. I needed an astral dreadnought at GameholeCon in 2022, and it was a fun moment when I threw my ‘80s Jabba the Hutt figure down on the table as a stand-in. Standing in the back is a Sarke Mercenary. He should have a friend, but he apparently wandered off over the years.

Also worth noting, these guys left actual sand on our countertop, so they presumably saw action in my friend Daniel’s sandbox. His older brothers were the first people I knew who played D&D. They had the Moldvay books punched and in a binder, and I inherited their original Deities and Demigods at some point (and sold it in college, to my great regret). Daniel had the Fortress of Fangs play set. He also had the GI Joe aircraft carrier and the Transformer that turned from a rocket into a working train set. We would play all day in his basement with trashy Saturday afternoon movies on in the background. Great times.

The prize of my collection! Warduke, the single best figure to emerge from this entire era, the iconic Evil Fighter. Alas, no sword or shield, and one of his legs is broken off so he has to stay mounted (the nightmare has a tauntaun-style trap door that the figure slides into, with the legs modeled on the saddle). Warduke made an appearance in Witchlight, but just as a bruiser mercenary. But what can you do with a character like that? He’s cooler than any of the PCs, but they’re the stars of the story, not him. Poor guy, he can’t win under those conditions. At least we got a proper mini of him from WizKids.

Here we have Warduke’s nemesis, Strongheart and his men-at-arms, seeing as how he’s missing an arm (and I’m apparently missing a man-at-arms, there should be two pairs). Strongheart had a sword and cape and a bronze dragon to ride (dragon sold separately), and was featured with Warduke on the cover of the toy tie-in adventure XL1 Quest for the Heartstone. Strongheart, Warduke, and the rest of their toy line also had stats in AC1 the Shady Dragon Inn. AC1 also had loads of BECMI pre-gens and was pretty useful if you needed some hirelings or a rival adventuring party.

And we’ll wind down with some more good guys. Ringlerun lost his robe, answering the age old question about what wizards where underneath them, and I couldn’t be troubled to put on the barbarian’s skirt. The elf has a great derpy face. Again, I should have another elf, and more importantly, I should have Peralay (Melf)! I loved the shorter ‘80s elves and their modest ears. I don’t know what’s going on with elves these days, with their Lodoss ears and all. I always preferred the wild wood elves like the Grugach and Kagonesti.

And that’s that, back in the bin they go. The one exception is Elkhorn the dwarf (named after a town near Lake Geneva, WI), who lives in a bin on our living room bookshelves with some Smurfs. He still has all his limbs!